Magic Ingredient To Stay Sane As A New Mom

Alone time is important for new mothers.

Some woman are extroverts, and thrive in an environment where they are surrounded by people, and children, but it's safe to say that every woman needs a break to just be HERSELF.

Whether you sit in the bathtub for a half hour with your favorite bubbles, or you head to the bookstore for an hour of coffee drinking, and book browsing. As a new mom, you're alone time is cut in half (and sometimes its more than half), but that doesn't mean you don't deserve it!

If you need some time alone, the most important thing is not to feel guilty about it. Just because you want a "you" time out, doesn't make you a selfish person. Taking some time to yourself on a daily basis, will allow you to become a better parent.

But, how do we get this time out? Think about doing a "kid trade" with a friend. You can watch their little one for an hour or two a week, and vice versa. This gives the both of you the chance to go out, get a pedicure, hit up the local library, sit in a cafe, or get your hair done and it's free.

If "hiring" a friend isn't appealing, find out if your local YMCA offers free child care with a membership; you can swim, or take advantage of their exercising equipment, knowing that your little one is getting a chance to play, and make friends. During nap time, sit. Don't worry about the dishes, or cleaning up toys – just sit and enjoy the hour or two of freedom that comes with a sleeping baby, and catch up on some you time.

How New Mothers Can Avoid Visitor Overwhelm

After you have your baby, you're going to be flooded with well meaning visitors. New babies, no matter what the size of your family, are an exciting addition and people are going to want to come see how you and the little one are holding up. If you've just given birth, these visits can be exhausting!

If you don't want to have a visitor, don't. Have your husband, or partner tell people you just aren't up for it right now, but the second you feel like being social you'll call them. If people get offended, it's not your problem. As a new mom, this is your time to rest, and bond with your little one, and they can either understand that or hit the road.

For those who have visitors coming – put them to work! Don't feel the need to prepare a lunch for someone who's coming in the afternoon, or worry that you'll be a bore if you just want to lay on the couch and nurse.
You'll be surprised how many people just want to help, and will gladly make you lunch, do dishes, let you nap or keep an eye on your baby while you jump into the shower. Have your husband encourage neighbors and relatives to freeze meals so that you can load up your freezer for the first month.

How New Moms Can Have A Dream Husband

Some new mothers are blessed with husbands who just get it.

They get that even if you stay home with your new baby, you're still working a full time job. They understand that by the time the evening rolls around, you just want a break; to pee, to shower, to drink a cup of coffee that's not iced cold. These are the men that deserve infinite high fives, but the fact is many fathers don't know exactly what they need to do to help, and as new moms we tend to get snippy and resentful that they aren't psychics.

If you want help, ask. One problem many new moms face is that they expect their husbands to step up to the plate without they needed to ask, and maybe they're right, but open communication is a must. If you both are exhausted, work out a plan so that you each get to take turns sleeping in. If you need help in the kitchen, ask your husband to take over dinner a few nights a week so you can rest at the end of a long day.

One of the main problems we have, is that instead of asking, we breed resentment and when that happens we tend to bark orders. In our minds, our husbands do nothing and we do everything, and then we walk around sighing, and saying things like "dammit, YOU cook dinner tonight! You never do anything!"
Well, no, because we never asked.
Sure it would be nice if our husbands knew what made us tick, but that's part of the mystery between us. If you need help, ask. If you want a chance to sleep in, or want your husband to pick up the slack around the house, sit and talk about it! Open communication is the key to a successful marriage.

Insight For Moms: The modern dad

Thanks to feminism and woman standing up for what is fair; men are taking their roles as Dads seriously. It takes two to make a baby, and it certainly takes two to raise a healthy, happy child. The more help you have as a mother, the happier you will be. There proverb "it takes a village..." couldn't be more true!

These days many men are entitled to a paternity leave, so have your husband or partner inquire if that's something he's eligible for. Many companies will offer up to a month of paid leave, and it will give you time to adjust, and rest after having your new baby.

The modern Dad has the opportunity to do a night time feeding as well! If you plan on breast feeding, buy or rent a pump so that your husband can take over a few nights a week.

Some dads are even choosing to stay at home!

We are entering times were woman have the option to go and earn a salary for their family while the "man of the house" stays home and takes care of the kids. Makes sense if the mom is the bread winner, doesn't it? Twenty years ago a man would have rather died than be labeled as a "stay at home dad," but the times are a-changing – and it's about damn time!

Tips For New Moms: Breastfeeding ain't easy!

Breast is best, and if you've read even a smidgen of the baby books you see in your local bookstore you'll figure that out right away. Breast milk is the most natural way to feed your new baby, and it encourages bonding, and provides important vitamins and anti-bodies that even the best formula can't.

Sounds too good to be true, doesn't it? What they don't tell you, is that breast feeding can be difficult. No matter how natural breast feeding is, some newborns simply can't latch on. This isn't your cue to give up, and you'll need to ask your nurse for help!

The use of a nipple shield or different positioning may help your little one with his struggle to feed. Invest in a boppy – which is a pillow designed to help breast feeding mothers. If the pain is too much for you to bear, also think about pumping your breast milk until you feel more comfortable with one on one feeding.

I like to think that as long as your baby is getting his or her mothers milk, it doesn't really matter how they obtain it. Pumping can also be a blessing for the working mom, and now they have hands free pumps that are ideal for the workplace.

If for some reason, you simply can't breast feed that's fine. It doesn't mean you're less of a mother, and you shouldn't let anyone let you feel like that. Some women have the luck of the draw, and can breast feed without any troubles, and some simply can't. It doesn't make a difference! I do encourage you to give it a shot though, because it is a wonderful thing.

One is the loneliest number: Tips For How New Moms Can Avoid It

We've mentioned hormones quite a bit thus far and it's no joke! It will take a few weeks [and sometimes months] to feel "back to normal" once you have given birth.

Sometimes you're going to feel alone in the motherhood thing, no matter how much support you have. Many new moms will feel like no one understands what it's like to be the number one supporting role in a newborns life.

The number one thing to remember is that you AREN'T alone!

Join websites like cafemom that feature message boards, and groups about every mothering topic under the sun. Check your local paper for mommy and me classes that are geared towards the newest mommas who are looking to make friends, and get out of the house.

The worst thing you can do is sit around feeling like no one understands because it simply isn't true! For every lonely mother out there, there's a dozen more that are willing to schedule play dates, and coffee time.

You've probably heard it a thousand times – get your newborn on a schedule! This probably seems like a load of crap since your new baby is the one that's dictating your life right now; you are riding on a cloud of feedings, naps, diaper changes, and baths (when you have the energy..)

But try to focus on the word 'rhythms'. The truth is folks...rhythms are important, and if you establish them early on you're one step ahead in the game. After the first month, you can probably figure out when you're little one is hungry, and when they are most sleepy. Try to establish a nap and nighttime routine by always having them sleep in one place. At an early age, feeding will most likely be on demand but if you try to keep them as consistent as possible you'll be on the right track.

At this age your new baby has no idea what "bed time" is, but that doesn't mean you can't establish a night time routine! After dinner give your newborn a warm bath, followed by a night time feeding before laying him or her down.

If you're consistent, your little one will figure out that it's "rest time.." and will eventually look forward to these nighttime rituals. Warm baths, warm milk, and a story or time in the rocking chair will help ease your newborn from the alert "daytime" stage to the sleepy stage we all crave by the time it's dark out.

If your little one wakes up during the night, keep the feedings and changing as simple as possible. Don't make eye contact, engage in sweet talk, or turn on lights and play music. Your newborn needs to learn that night time is for sleeping, not playing. It may seem pointless to keep the nighttime so boring since hell, you're up anyway...but down the line if your kid is ready to roll at 2am, you're going to wish you had given a nighttime routine a chance.

What Are The Conditions After Six Weeks When You Have A Newborn

Six weeks is the window that we are given to brush our husbands away when they're ready for a romp in the bed. Six weeks of sleepless nights, breast [or formula] feeding, crying, and wondering what the hell we've done to deserve this. After six weeks we are able to safely make love, even if the sight of a bed only brings on dreams of sleep, not erotic romps with our significant others while the baby naps peacefully.

But, wait..why do all the parenting magazines encourage us to "take time out to bring the romance back" if they know damn well we are going to want anything but? Why do they make us feel like we should feel all ready-to-go when we are cranky and exhausted? And, I don't know about you but the thought that my husband may stray if, after six or seven weeks if I'm not making an attempt at being romantic is well, pretty lame.

Now, I'm not saying you won't be in the mood! No, some of us welcome motherhood and the changes it brings with great ease [and these people have full time nannies] but sex is about as high up on the priority list as making a four course dinner. Instead of sex we'd rather our husbands offer us about 48 hours worth of sleep, or a full body massage...with hot stones.

If you think you're some freak of nature for not feeling romantic, you're not. Your libido isn't lost forever, it's just that your body is responding to only one persons needs; your child's. You are working now to feed, coddle, change, and bathe him or her, and that's about all you're going to want to do sans eat, and sleep for awhile, and there's no reason to feel guilty about this. For now – take time out for you. We'll call it "How the post partum mom got her groove back..." indulge in bubble baths, take an afternoon nap with your newborn, sit and talk with your significant other, or watch a favorite movie. To have a healthy relationship, you do need intimacy, but if you aren't ready for it you can take baby steps [no pun intended]